Will you be my bodyguard? I'll pay you fifty cents every day. I'll do your homework for you. I'm pretty smart.*

The eternal question: why fertilize? As spring beckons, it is important to remember to first fertilize the soil. This little bit of effort on your part will ensure that whatever you plant in your garden, be it vegetable or flower, will grow beautifully throughout the upcoming months.


According to the towering behemoth of a display that currently lords over my lobby, soon we will be blessed with another Owen Wilson crapfest entitled "Drillbit Taylor".

What witty tagline did the crack promotional team at Largemountain Pictures come up with you ask?

"You get what you pay for."

Let's take a moment and let that witty aphorism sink in so we may more fully appreciate all of its lyric qualities.


(Five seconds)



(Fifteen seconds)



(Thirty seconds)


"You get what you pay for."

Congratulations. Even if you did just skim ahead, you just gave it more thought than an entire Largemountain Pictures promotional department did. Yup. Uh-huh. That's the best they could come up with out of their goldfish bowl of fortune cookie taglines? WOW.

What I find amazing is that they seem to be apologizing from the get-go on this puppy --- right on the damn standee. (Rightfully so, probably.)


Oh, my head; how it aches and throbs so. There is no medicine. There is no cure.


Generally, as a rule of thumb, we only keep standees up through the first weekend of a film's release. (Why? Standees are like zombies; kill one and two rise to take its place. Real estate is prime in any lobby.)

However, with the Pulitzer Prize-writing skills exhibited here on the mighty "Drillbit Taylor" standee, I believe I will make the exception and leave it up for the entire run of the movie.

And I swear to God, each and every time I receive a complaint about this movie (oh, and there will be...hello Senior Discount Day!), I am going to walk the customer over to Giant Corrugated Cardboard Owen Wilson, pull my laser pointer out of my pocket and point directly above his head at their tagline:

"You get what you pay for."
"You get what you pay for."
"You get what you pay for."

Hello. You were just swindled and robbed. Have a nice day!


* Post title is a line of dialogue from the 1980 film "My Bodyguard".